


Oh Memories (Where'd You Go?)

by star_child



Series: University of Tokyo [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Panic Attacks, art student kenma, i made you wait for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6521911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_child/pseuds/star_child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phantom presences sneak up behind him, closing in on his limbs, clamping down on his lungs –<br/>He corrects his posture a little too forcefully, slamming his back against the door and falling against it until it closes. “You should really lock that."<br/>“What’s the matter, hmm?”<br/>“You never kiss me,” Kenma repeats. “You wait for me to do it first. I’m not fragile, Kuro. I won’t shatter.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Memories (Where'd You Go?)

Kenma quite likes this: being exclusive.

They’ve always been kind of half way there, ever since they were kids and Kenma was too scared to talk to anyone else, and Kuroo was too loyal to leave him. He’s always been known – around Nekoma and around campus – as Kuroo’s boy. It wasn’t always in a romantic sense, sometimes it wasn’t even in a platonic sense. It was just a fact: Kenma was Kuroo’s.

(And Kuroo was Kenma’s.)

Of course, they were never limited to just each other. While Kuroo dated here and there (spotty, but more frequently than Kenma), he never got too serious with anyone. He had his first kiss first year of high school, with a girl he didn’t even consider important enough to name to Kenma. Come third year and the start of university, he took an interest in casual sex. Kenma didn’t like it much, but he never spoke up. (Why would he? It’s Kuroo’s life.)

Kenma took mild interest in other people as well for a while. Hinata Shouyou, for one, during his second year of high school. They flirted back and forth for about four months before going on an actual serious date, then pretty much decided it wasn’t their thing. They continued to talk, and stayed good friends, but dating was just… weird.

There was Akaashi Keiji, during his third year when Kuroo and Bokuto were away at college, and while Kenma was definitely attracted to him, wasn’t exactly _interested_. They went out a few times – saw a new movie about about something Kenma can no longer recall the plot of in theaters, coffee at a cafe near downtown Tokyo – and their dates were always pleasant enough, but neither of them really had any interest in pursuing it.

First year of college, Kenma met a girl in his ceramics class. She had a fire engine red bob of hair and glasses, spoke french, and was incredibly nice. They texted a lot, went out for about a month and a half, but her personality matched her hair: incredibly bright and yelling for attention. He couldn’t be around her for more than a few hours without getting exhausted.

After that, it was just him and Kuroo. They never talked about it, but instead fell into a sort of easy routine, a natural push and pull like that of the tides. They were there for each other, like they were in middle school before puberty and sexuality, before girls and boys and kissing and sex. They were there for each other, but with a new added layer of companionship, intimacy without it being sexual. Kenma loved it.

He’s sitting on his couch, sketchbook in his lap and his hands smudged in graphite. He’s already yelled at Shouyou twice for attempting to tidy the room, since he’s in the middle of drawing it, and keeps jumping when the other boy makes too much noise in the kitchen. Kenma has been thinking about going over to Kuroo’s all day, but he needs to practice his backgrounds and this is the best way to get in detail practice… He could draw any room in Kuroo’s place, since it’s always pleasantly messy, but he doesn’t feel like starting over and he’s been spending so much time at Kuroo’s lately that –

“ – Listening to me, Kenma?”

He jumps nearly a foot in the air. Shouyou is standing in front of him, looking at him with wide eyes and his head tilted to the side.

“What?”

“I asked if you wanted some lunch, but you were staring off into space again,” the younger boy explains.

Kenma slides his eyes to the side. “Oh… No thank you.”

“Are you sure? I made extra and Kageyama can’t – ”

“I’m going over to Kuroo’s for a little while,” Kenma decides in an instant, standing and clutching his sketchbook to his chest, quickly hurrying out of the apartment before Shouyou can call him back.

He realizes when he’s in the hall that he probably looks ridiculous, with his tall socks sliding down his bare shins, embarrassingly short shorts, and a red Adobe shirt he got for free when he actually spent money on the entire Creative Cloud suite. But he doesn’t care. Kuroo is like, four doors down and no one ever leaves their apartments around here anyway.

The pressure in his chest builds as he scampers down the hallway, phantom presences sneak up behind him, closing in on his limbs, clamping down on his lungs –

He pushes open the door of Kuroo’s apartment and nearly falls inside. He corrects his posture a little too forcefully, slamming his back against the door and falling against it until it closes. His chest is heaving as he stares at Kuroo, sitting on the floor at the low table in his living room, an open book and about twelve sheets of paper spread out around him. “You should really lock that,” Kenma states breathlessly as Kuroo hurries over.

“Are you okay, what’s wrong?” he asks quickly, letting his hands hover above Kenma’s shoulders until he gives a nod and Kuroo lowers his hands to hold him steady.

“I’m fine. Just…” He can’t think of the right word to describe how he’s feeling, so in the end he just falls silent and stares up at his boyfriend.

“C'mon,” Kuroo says softly, pulling Kenma away from the door. He follows easily, noting as he goes that Kuroo’s apartment is, in fact, pleasantly messy and perfect for drawing. If Shouyou has moved too much stuff around by the time he gets home he’ll just draw one of the rooms here.

Kuroo’s room is a welcome reprieve from the shadows and phantom whispers creeping in his peripheral. His bed is unmade, as usual, but the floor is clear and the curtains are fluttering in the breeze. Kenma sits heavily on the edge of the bed, running his fingers over the rumpled sheets and sighing as he relaxes.

“Doing okay today?” Kuroo asks as he sits down beside him. It’s been a month since his first – and decidedly last – college party, and though Kenma got worse before he got better, he’s still not completely over it. Shadows and voices still creep up on him, panic still lurks at the edges of his vision late at night when Shouyou is asleep and Kuroo is out. Anxiety attacks, sometimes vicious and nasty, sometimes mild and achey, plague him.

Kenma just shrugs.

“What’s the matter, hmm?” Kuroo murmurs. He reaches an arm around Kenma’s waist and kisses his head. “Tell Uncle Tetsu,” he chuckles.

Kenma snorts.

“Hey, seriously. Talk to me, Kitten.”

He settles a little bit into Kuroo’s side, sighing happily at the warmth. “Nothing’s wrong, really,” he says. “I was working.”

“Whatcha working on?”

“Just detail work. I was drawing the living room.”

“Like background stuff?” Kuroo begins slowly rubbing Kenma’s upper arm and he relaxes further.

“Yeah. I think I might have to draw your place, though.”

“Why’s that? You calling my place messy?” Kuroo laughs.

“Pleasantly messy,” Kenma amends with a smile. He presses his head into Kuroo’s chest and feels the tension escape from his bones.

They sit for a while in comfortable silence, until Kuroo murmurs a quiet, “How are you?”

Kenma shifts against him, leaning more into his lap as he takes some time to sift through his emotions. He’s tired, definitely, run down and weary, stressed. But presently, with Kuroo pressing gentle kisses against his hair and forehead and cheek, he just feels… content. “I’m happy,” he says quietly.

Kuroo places a few fingers under his chin to tilt it up, smiling at him serenely. “Good,” he murmurs back, lips hovering above Kenma’s. He doesn’t move any closer, but allows Kenma to close the distance, tilting his head up to kiss him.

He can feel Kuroo smiling against his lips, and the older boy pulls away after a second just to laugh against them instead. “What’s that for?” Kenma protests softly. “And why do you always wait for me to kiss you?”

Kuroo lets his chuckling die down as he pulls back a little more, making sure he’s not breathing all over Kenma’s face. “I was laughing because I’m still over the moon happy that I get to kiss you.”

“But you never _do_ kiss me,” Kenma repeats. “You wait for me to do it first.”

Kuroo studies him for a moment, lifting a hand between them to run his thumb over Kenma’s lower lip. “I don’t want you to feel pressured, y'know?”

Kenma frowns at him. “I’m not fragile, Kuro. I won’t shatter.”

The older boy chuckles at him. “I know. But this is new to both of us – ”

“It isn’t,” Kenma points out.

“Well… in a sense. We’re new to each other – ”

“We’re not.”

“Okay, well, a healthy two sided enthusiastic relationship is new to both of us,” Kuroo huffs. “Quit cuttin’ me off, kid,” he adds while ruffling Kenma’s hair.

The younger boy makes a noise of protest as he moves away, fixing his hair and mumbling, “Don’t call me kid.”

“What’s the matter, kid?” Kuroo teases, “Got a kid problem?”

“No, I have a stupid boyfriend problem,” Kenma fires back as he finishes fixing his hair. Kuroo grins at him for a few seconds as Kenma stares back. “…Thank you,” he says eventually, voice coming out quieter than he intended it to.

“For what?”

“For… respecting my space? I guess?” Kenma fidgets nervously, but finds Kuroo’s hand and waits for him to lace their fingers together before continuing. “I know you don’t know how to deal with this. With me. I don’t either. But you let me take my time, and set my own pace, and I… Thank you.”

“Of course, baby,” Kuroo smiles. “It’s important to me that you’re comfortable.”

“I’m not used to being a priority,” Kenma admits quietly.

“Yeah well, you are – past, present, and future tense – my priority, so you better _get_ used to it.” Kuroo punctuates with a few kisses to his cheek before attempting to blow a raspberry. He succeeds, more or less, and Kenma nearly squeals as he moves away laughing.

“Don’t do that!” he protests through his giggles.

“Don’t do what? Don’t do this?” Kuroo does it again.

“Ahh! Kuro!” Kenma throws himself to the side and nearly rolls off the bed, managing to get his feet under him in time so he doesn’t fall. He makes it halfway out the door before Kuroo’s voice calls him back.

“I’m sorry!” he’s laughing, “I’m sorry, babe, come back, I’ll stop!”

Kenma grudgingly turns around and goes back to the bed, fake pouting as he sits down on the edge.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo says again, genuine despite the smirk tugging at one corner of his lips.

“Hmph.”

“Hey. I love you.”

Kenma scoots closer, leaning into Kuroo’s side once more. “I love you, I guess,” he allows.

**Author's Note:**

> this is more or less the end of their story, but i'm planning something in the extras for them!  
> up next: iwaoi's conclusion


End file.
